Secrets 03 - Shattered Secrets Page 5

  The manor sprawled before her, an imposing presence on the small rise on which it sat. What did Lucas think of the changes Markus had made? The children’s wing had a nursery, schoolroom, as well as rooms for the nurse and governess. Markus and his wife had intended to have a large family when they’d first married, but her death in childbirth had cut short their dreams.

  The other new wing housed the servants, allowing them to move from the cramped attic quarters to a more spacious and efficient area. A storeroom, laundry, and other workrooms were now near the kitchen.

  She and the girls had planned an outing this afternoon to pick the last of the elderberries before they disappeared for the year. The twins were quite excited about the adventure though she suspected any excuse to be outside would’ve been welcome.

  With luck, she’d avoid seeing Lucas, just as she had the previous day. The encounter they’d had two days past had left her confused and wishing for things that couldn’t be. Had he thought to kiss her? Surely not. Yet what other purpose could he have had in mind? She told herself it didn’t matter what he wanted—she needed to keep her distance.

  Moira adjusted her hat, hoping her hair remained in place then reminded herself she wasn’t planning on seeing Lucas. Each time she saw him, he studied her head. The only thing she could determine was that either her hair was astray or her hat was crooked.

  As far as she knew, Lucas had yet to interview a replacement governess. She knew the girls wore out the maids with their liveliness. Somehow the two combined had the energy of three. They hadn’t caused any more serious problems of which she was aware. The best way to avoid those was to keep them occupied. Hence the outing this afternoon. Luckily for her, the weather was cooperating fully.

  She let herself in the kitchen door, pausing as the cook instructed a footman to pour boiling water on the large wooden worktable in the center of the room. Moira knew how meticulous the woman was about her kitchen. The table would’ve been rubbed with sand beforehand as well. The boiling water kept it from smelling sour. Other wooden items, including buckets, were given the same treatment.

  “Good day, Mrs. Anderson,” Moira greeted the cook.

  “And to you Miss Dorsey.” She dipped her head at Moira as she kept a watchful eye on the footman’s movements. “I have baskets ready for you and the girls.”

  “Thank you. We’ll return for them shortly.” Moira continued down the hall then up the stairs, listening for a deep voice as she went.

  Breathing a sigh of relief as she reached the nursery without encountering Lucas, she opened the door to find the girls with matching aprons on to avoid any berry stains on their dark mourning dresses.

  “Aunt Moira! We’re ready.” Addie hurried over and gave her legs a big hug.

  “We have the best news,” Amelia said as she crossed the room in a more reserved manner to give Moira a hug as well.

  “What’s that?” Moira asked with a smile as she returned the hug, nodding to the maid who watched over them.

  “Uncle Lucas is joining us.”

  Moira was speechless. “Are you certain?”

  “Yes. He seemed pleased that we asked him.”

  “I would’ve thought his lordship was far too busy to pick berries.”

  Addie frowned. “That’s what Amelia said when I told her we should ask him.”

  Amelia shrugged. “He hasn’t spent much time with us since his arrival.”

  Moira bit her lip before she made an excuse for him. Why she felt the need to defend him was beyond her. In truth, he should spend time getting to know the girls. Maybe then he wouldn’t be so intent on returning to Brazil. She just wished he hadn’t chosen to join the girls when she would be in attendance as well. In all honesty, being with him for any length of time made her heart hurt. The hints of the young man she used to know mixed with the stranger he was now were confusing.

  “Perhaps the two of you would prefer to go with your uncle rather than me. That way you’ll have a chance to have more time with him.”

  “We want you to come as well,” Addie insisted.

  “We would rather you were there too, Aunt Moira,” Amelia agreed. “Uncle Lucas won’t know where to take us.”

  “I’m sure he remembers. He spent much of his childhood here.” They’d enjoyed many afternoons picking elderberries when they were young. She had no doubt he remembered the location of the bushes.

  “What was Uncle Lucas like as a boy?” Amelia asked. “I can’t picture him young.”

  Moira paused for a moment as memories of Lucas filled her mind. Yet those were no longer as sharp and clear as they once were. Instead, images of him now washed over her. The angle of his jaw, the arch of his brow, those long lashes shading his eye. Then there was the broadness of his shoulders and the depth of his chest. Shaking off the odd tingly sensations those images caused, she smiled at the girls. “Perhaps today he’ll share some stories from his youth with you.”

  “Did Father pick elderberries as well?”

  “Rarely. He was always too busy to accompany us.” Markus and Lucas had spent very little time together. That was their father’s doing, in Moira’s opinion. He’d favored Markus over Lucas and made no secret about it. She’d never understood why. Their mother hadn’t paid much attention to either of her sons.

  Moira ushered the girls downstairs, her stomach tightening as she caught sight of Lucas in the foyer awaiting them, baskets on a nearby table.

  “Good day, ladies,” he said. His dark brown coat and trousers were more casual than his normal attire and did nothing to diminish the breadth of his shoulders. He wore his customary black armband to reflect his mourning status.

  Addie and Amelia returned his greeting and busied themselves deciding which basket to carry.

  “I was surprised you wanted to accompany us,” Moira said, unable to read his expression.

  “You were the one who said I should spend time with the girls.” He raised his brow as he studied her, his gaze catching on her hat.

  She could feel her face heating under his perusal. She lifted her hand to check her hat then decided it hardly mattered if it sat askew. Impressing him was not her goal.

  Though she wanted to protest that he could’ve suggested his own outing with them instead of coming along on hers, she held her tongue. She didn’t want to admit how much his presence rattled her.

  “Shall we proceed?” she asked the girls as she selected one of the baskets, deciding not to respond to his comment. The sooner they were picking berries, the better. Then she could make sure the girls were between them and she wouldn’t have to converse with him.

  Lucas waved away the footman and opened the door himself. The girls skipped down the front steps, swinging their baskets.

  “Which way are we going?” Amelia turned to ask.

  Moira opened her mouth to answer then paused as she glanced at Lucas.

  “Shall we proceed to the bushes on the north end of the estate?” he asked.

  “Yes. The ones on the east side didn’t have many berries last time I checked.” Some little part of her enjoyed the idea that he had asked her opinion, which was silly of course. What did it matter? But it did.

  “Very well.” He carried the largest basket that had a lid. “I had the cook pack a few things to eat in case the girls get hungry.”

  “That was kind of you.” Moira was surprised he’d thought of it.

  Addie and Amelia skipped ahead, chattering back and forth as they made their way down the path along the side of the manor.

  “I am not familiar with five-year-old girls, but I have learned these two enjoy their food.”

  Moira smiled. “Indeed they do.”

  “I’ve had several inquiries as to the governess position,” he told her.

  “Good.” Even as she spoke the word, a little pang of worry struck her. Did that mean he’d be leaving soon? She looked ahead at the twins, wondering how they’d take the news.

  “Moira?”

  She glanced a
t him, still having a difficult time believing he was actually here, walking beside her, after so many years away.

  “Allow us to simply enjoy the afternoon, shall we? We will worry about what happens next another day.” He raised his face to the blue sky. “Days like this are rare. The sun and sky look so different here.”

  “What is it like in Brazil?” she asked.

  “Warm. Damp. The smell is very different there. The jungle intrudes on everything. You feel as though if you turn your back for even a moment, it will take over, erasing all signs of civilization.”

  She tried to visualize such a thing based on the pictures she’d seen, but as he’d said, it was so different from England, it was hard to imagine.

  She had many more questions but held her silence. Learning more about this new Lucas would be a mistake. He was not the boy she’d once known. He was not her relative nor was he a friend any longer. And he would soon be gone.

  “Girls, don’t venture too far ahead,” she called out.

  They eased back to walk alongside the adults, their enjoyment of the day spreading to Moira. Lucas was right. Today was a good day to enjoy the moment. Once a new governess arrived, Moira would no longer be needed. While that had been her goal, the idea of not being a part of the twins’ day-to-day lives saddened her. With effort, she pushed aside the thought to focus on Amelia and Addie.

  As they walked along, she did what she always did—taught them. From the late blooming flowers they passed to the trees in the distance, she reviewed their names and shared any interesting facts she could think of.

  “What are those yellow and white flowers that nod as we walk by?” she asked.

  “Cowslip,” Amelia answered.

  Not to be outdone, Addie ran ahead to some violet, bell-shaped flowers. “This is foxglove, but you must be careful because it can be poisonous.”

  “I’m impressed,” Lucas said to the girls before turning his attention to Moira. “You might enjoy some of my experiments in botany that I performed in Brazil.”

  “What’s botany?” Amelia asked.

  “It’s the study of plants,” Lucas answered.

  “Aunt Moira studies plants too. She has an herbal garden. She makes things to help people feel better,” Addie told her uncle.

  “You’re taking over for your grandmother,” he said to Moira. “She was an amazing healer.”

  “I’ll never know as much as she did, but I have one of her books and have become quite adept at making simple remedies.”

  “She made one for Mrs. Henderson’s arthrudus,” Addie said.

  “You mean her arthritis, silly,” Amelia corrected her sister.

  “That’s what I said.”

  “Now, girls, no need to argue. Why don’t you tell your uncle what trees you see?” Moira gestured toward the nearby grove.

  The girls named several, much to Moira’s delight. Sometimes it was difficult to know if they were really listening. She waited, wondering if Lucas would show them a plant they hadn’t already named, but he held his silence. For some reason, that disappointed her. The expression on his face had sobered, as it so often did. She couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in his mind.

  Soon Addie and Amelia spotted the elderberry bushes and rushed off to start picking. Moira watched to see where Lucas went before moving on the other side of the girls. The less time she spent in his company, the better.

  The bluish-black fruit grew in bunches. They were rather bitter if eaten alone, but the girls gave into temptation and gobbled up a few, their mouths puckering at the tart flavor. The bushes were loaded this year because of the significant rainfall they’d received. Mrs. Anderson, the cook, would be thrilled with their offering. She made jam and jellies from the fruit, which Amelia and Addie loved and made the hard work of picking the small berries worthwhile. If Mrs. Anderson was feeling adventurous and could convince Tollers to assist her, she might even make some wine.

  After a few glances to be certain the girls were doing well, Moira focused on filling her own basket. She worked quickly, all too aware the children’s interest in picking would soon end. The sun was warm and felt lovely on her back. She should’ve brought a parasol to shade herself, but that had seemed like one more thing to carry.

  “Are you trying to win the prize for the most berries picked?” a deep voice asked at her side.

  “Oh.” She turned to find Lucas beside her. “I didn’t hear you.”

  Lucas had approached her quietly on purpose. He’d told himself to stay on the other side of the girls, but picking berries with Moira touched memories deep inside him. How could he possibly keep his distance? Her presence called to him like a siren, luring him into dangerous temptation.

  Watching her unawares as she worked had been a pleasure no matter how short lived. She carried herself the same way as before. The tilt of her head was the same, as was her smile. And yet there was so much more to her now. She had a womanly grace and confidence that added complexity to her sweet nature.

  Her concern for the girls, the staff, even the villagers, was admirable. She didn’t do so out of a sense of duty, but rather because she genuinely cared for people. That in itself was something he’d avoided for years now. Moira, with her Scottish grandmother who had served as the villager healer for years, did so naturally. He was sure she didn’t give it a second thought.

  But forming connections of any sort was extremely difficult for Lucas. He only put up with Tiago because the man left him no choice. Had it been up to Lucas, he would’ve walked away without a backward glance. Because that glance could’ve been the one that revealed his friend’s dimming aura and the end of his life. Viewing those, even on strangers, caused him considerable pain, both physically and emotionally.

  The idea of seeing Moira’s aura dim, knowing he could do nothing about it, was enough to start a headache brewing. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to relax and release the tension that came with it.

  “Are you well?” Moira put a hand on his arm as she asked, causing him to look at her.

  “Of course.” He forced a smile then looked into her basket. “You’ve beaten me. I’m obviously out of practice.”

  She smiled smugly. “Maybe someday I’ll show you my technique.”

  His smile became more genuine as he reminded himself to take his own advice. Today was not the day to worry over the future or even his damned aura reading and headaches. This day was meant to be enjoyed. And he intended to do so.

  “Shall we see how the girls are faring?” He offered her his arm.

  “I’ll be pleased if they have enough berries to cover the bottom of their baskets.” After briefly hesitating, Moira took his elbow.

  Was he so different? Was it the damned eye patch? He reached up to make certain it remained in place. The scar beneath it would frighten her even more.

  But he said nothing as he escorted her to where the girls still picked berries. He reminded himself that was what he wanted—distance. His time here was only temporary.

  They all compared baskets, Moira winning hands down. He’d come in a close second. She’d been right—the fruit in the girls’ baskets barely covered the bottom.

  “Shall we have some of the treats the cook sent along with us?” he asked.

  They found a nice flat clearing to spread a blanket and unpack the basket. The cook had included small sandwiches, fruit, and a variety of biscuits.

  The girls declared themselves starving and devoured the food much like some hungry sailors he’d once known. Moira showed much more restraint as expected. The sight of her delicately taking a bite of a small sandwich had him wondering what it might take to rattle her reserve. He’d almost succeeded the other day when he’d nearly kissed her in the hall. While he’d convinced himself he’d had a momentary lapse, now, watching her laugh at the girls, he admitted it hadn’t been a onetime longing.

  What to do about it was another matter entirely.

  How could he risk getting involved with her on an
y level? If he was going to leave, which was what would be best for all, he had no business playing with her affections. Though he held doubts that was even possible. She’d raised walls where there had been none before. She didn’t seem inclined to lower them for him. On the other hand, if he stayed—he stopped himself.

  When had staying become an option?

  He swallowed hard, glancing at Moira and the girls. This was the image of a perfect family. Yet he knew very well he didn’t belong here. Though he’d always thought he would eventually marry, the accident had changed that, stealing all his plans.

  How could he even think of staying without revealing how broken he’d become? That he was now a seer of impending death? That a deep despair often took over his entire countenance and he had no control over it? What if he looked at these three and saw the shadow of death over one of them? How could he bear it?

  “Lucas?” Moira touched his arm.

  Though brief, the sensation of her hand on him, of his given name on her lips, pushed away all else.

  “Is everything all right?” she whispered, concern in her voice.

  Before he could answer, Addie rose and grabbed her basket. “Come on, Amelia. Let us pick more berries so we can beat Aunt Moira.”

  The girls bounded away, leaving Lucas with Moira on the blanket in the shade of the trees. Alone.

  “Lucas?” She scooted closer to look up at him. “What is it?”

  How long had it been since someone had shown him that kind of concern? Needing her touch like a parched man needed water, he took her hand in his, using his thumb to caress the softness of the back of her hand.

  “I’m sorry.” He paused, surprised those words had slipped out.

  She frowned. “For what?”

  Yet now that he’d started down this path, he could not retreat. He drew a breath and looked into her eyes. Those beautiful, familiar green eyes with specks of gold. “I am sorry for my callous disregard to your…declaration those many years ago. You see, I—”

  She waved a hand in the air. “No need to explain anything. I was a young girl who didn’t know her mind or her heart.” She shook her head. “You actually granted me a favor.”